Nina's Battle Against Infertility Part III

Moving Forward After…

My heart was now broken and I was down and depressed. Not only did I have this going on, we had to drive 12 hours to Rochester to visit our family for Christmas. I had to put on a brave face to see everyone celebrate Christmas with their families and open gifts. The hard part was that all of my husband’s family did not know because we had planned to tell them when we got there. I had no interest in celebrating anything, all I wanted to do was sleep. I started telling myself that I was ok. That everything was alright, but I was far from ok. I was hurting behind the smile that I put on every day. I felt embarrassed because I had told all of these people that we were expecting and then I had to tell them that now I was no longer pregnant. 

Surrounded by heartache with the loss of my maternal grandmother in November and my paternal grandmother in January, it took everything in me not to give up. Not just on trying to conceive, but on everything. I was in a place that was very dark, and pretty scary to be honest. Everyone that I loved dearly was being taken from me and yet I could not get one little glimmer of hope. I was angry. I was hurt. I was broken. Yet, I clung to my faith with all of my might. God saved me. He placed people around me to help me see that joy was all around me. In the little things that I had some how forgot while being so focused on conceiving. I forgot to cherish the moments I had with those who were still in my life, precious moments with my husband, making memories with my family and my friends. I learned to let go and truly let God have His way. I questioned why me, why did I have to go through this. I soon realized that He knows better than I do and I started to embrace where I am in this journey. So I decided to use my voice to support others who are embarking on this journey or already in the midst of their journey.

What Now?

My husband and I chose to take some time off before we decided to do a frozen embryo transfer. We only have one embryo so we did not want to rush into it with all of the stress around us. We also decided that we would go through the next step on our own, without telling everyone around us because the disappointment was hard on us and those around us as well. Right now we are focusing on closing on our first home and enjoying our time together. Prayer has helped me get to this point. I also believe that music has been a part of my healing. So I will share this with you as we all continue to move forward in our journey through life. Thanks!

Nina

Here I am, I’m still standing

Here I am after all I’ve been through

I’ve survived every toil

And every snare I’m alive, I’m alive

Here I Am – Marvin Sapp 

Fellow HeartBEATS

As I stated at the end of Amanda's battle I honestly can’t imagine the amount of courage it took for her and Nina to share such an intimate journey with us. Please wish Nina and her hubby all the best in becoming future parents. Their journey hasn’t been easy but I’m truly hopeful it will be worth it in due time.

As always this is a communal space so if there is anyone else battling against infertility, and would like to share your story please feel free to email me atexternalheartbeat@gmail.com

Nina's Battle Against Infertility Part II

The Solution. So We Thought!

We had our first office visit with my OB/GYN doctor in 2006. I first had to undergo a procedure called a hysterosalpinogram (HSG) which is an x-ray test that uses a contrast material to check for injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes. This test was normal. My husband had to provide a sperm sample for Semen Analysis. His counts were not the greatest, but they were not horrible. So we tried the medication Clomid alone, then along with intrauterine insemination (IUI) for 6 cycles with no luck. I eventually had a procedure called a Pelviscopy done a few years later to check and make sure that I did not have any adhesions or abnormalities that could not be picked up by ultrasound alone. It is a laparoscopic procedure where a long thin scope was placed through small incisions on my abdomen and my belly button. This was normal as well. After all of this we were referred to a specialist at a Fertility Clinic. So we continued on with new medications and IUIs, then injectable medications and IUIs. They were all unsuccessful. 

So, here we were now in the year 2012 and the next step in our journey would lead us to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Our insurance did not cover the cost of IVF so we now faced a major decision. One cycle of IVF would cost us around $7000. That was not including the cost of the medications required during one cycle which can be around another $2500. So we decided to postpone our dream of becoming parents until after we relocated from Rochester, NY to Charlotte, NC and were settled. Through the grace of God I found a job through an organization that would cover my IVF treatments after working there a year. I would still have to pay a copay for the procedure and for my medications, which was nothing compared to what I could have paid. In October 2013 we started our IVF process after completing blood work, genetic testing, and a semen analysis for my husband. Now the true test of my strength would begin. There are five basic steps in the IVF and embryo transfer process which include: 

• Monitoring and stimulating the development of healthy egg(s) in the ovaries, collecting the eggs
• Securing sperm
• Combining the egg(s) and sperm together in the laboratory and providing the appropriate environment for fertilization and early embryo growth
• And lastly transferring the embryo(s) into the uterus. 

I created calendars to write down all of the medications I had to take, injections I had to give myself (some nights included three injections into my abdomen). I wrote down all of the appointments for blood work and ultrasounds in order to check my progress. I was very diligent, always on time, afraid to make a mistake. Taking injections with me to dinner at restaurants and injecting them into my abdomen in the bathroom so I gave it at the correct time. I had several alarms programmed on my phone to help me remember what time I had to give or take each medication. On my birthday, December 3, 2013 I celebrated my birthday under anesthesia. My eggs were now ready for retrieval through a minor surgical procedure that uses ultrasound imaging to guide a hollow needle through my pelvic cavity. My eggs were aspirated from my ovaries. They now had 11 eggs from my ovaries. After my eggs and my husband’s sperm were combined we had 8 good embryos left. I returned on December 8th for my embryo transfer. The process involves a speculum which is inserted into the vagina to expose the cervix. With my embryo suspended in fluid and guided by ultrasound it was gently placed through a catheter into my womb. My doctor only transferred one embryo and we planned on freezing the rest for later procedures when we were ready to try again. That day we received our first baby picture. A picture of our little embryo that was ready to be transferred. We also learned that we only had one remaining embryo that was ready to be frozen. The next phase of the cycle can actually be the most stressful time when you are trying to relax. It is known as the two week wait. 

Our wait was finally over on December 17th when my husband and I listened together to a voicemail from our IVF nurse. We were pregnant, for the first time in almost 9 years of trying. We were elated. Excited I told all of my close friends, my mom, my sister, and my co-workers who knew every step of the process as I was going through it. On December 19th I had to go back in for follow-up blood work to make sure that my hormone levels were doubling. To my surprise, when I received the voicemail from the IVF nurse about the results they were not what I had expected. I did not prepare myself for this. I was crushed. Our levels had dropped and it was considered a chemical pregnancy. Now I had to tell my husband and I was at work so my co-workers found out and just about my entire office was in tears. That was a really hard and trying day. I felt like I was going to die because the pain was so severe. My heart literally hurt. 


Thanks for reading and don't forget to come back tomorrow to find out what's next for Nina and her hubby

Nina's Battle Against Infertility

Happy Monday Loves!

National Infertility Awareness Week ended on the 26^th, but after sharing Amanda’s story I received another story that is near and dear to my heart so I just had to share with you all. I’ve known the couple you are about to meet since my freshmen year of high school, yet it wasn’t until I started this blog that I realized they had their own battle with infertility. From the outside looking in their marriage has a solid foundation, and appears that they are the perfect couple. You see them and think they are the cutest couple ever because the bond between them radiates and you know they have the kind of love people dream about.

So how could it be that they too have suffered from infertility? Find out now by reading their journey below...

My Testimony 

Hi. My name is Nina G. of Finding Joy inFertility and I am looking forward to sharing my Infertility journey with you all. I have enjoyed reading Sheena’s blog and Facebook posts about baby O. I appreciate her honesty, her sense of humor, and her vulnerability at times. I recently contacted Sheena in regards to possibly starting a blog of my own in the hopes of sharing my Infertility journey. After talking things over with my husband, who is very private, he told me that if sharing our journey helped me to heal my broken heart then he was all for it. Yes, I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and beaten into tiny little pieces. In other words, I was hurting in silence and refused to allow this pain to consume me. I knew that opening up and sharing would not be easy, but it would be worth it if I could help anyone who was going though a journey of their own. So here I am, ready to share with you my journey of Infertility during National Infertility Awareness Week.

The Beginning

My husband and I started dating when I was in the 9^th grade. We literally grew up together. We decided to get married in December of 2004, four years after I graduated high school. Through difficult times and struggles we always had each other. We would talk about starting a family and becoming parents, but we never imagined that it would be the hardest thing our relationship and marriage would face. Infertile couples are three times more likely to divorce. Sometimes, the void of not having a child causes so much damage and strain on the relationship that the couple decides to end it. Thankfully, our story did not end in divorce. The pressure placed on a woman of child-bearing age can also take a toll on you when no one knows that you have started trying and nothing seems to be happening. Early on in our journey, one of my biggest fears was that my youngest cousin would have a child before I did. Well, now she has two children and I am the only one in my immediate family sitting here childless. I’m far from bitter, it just hurts a little every time that it is not me who is sharing good news. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I tried to do things the “right” way. I was married to my best friend, I graduated with my Bachelors degree in Nursing, and I had a career working as a Pediatric nurse. My menstrual cycles were normal, we were both healthy. I just did not understand and started to tell myself that I must have done something wrong, some how it had to be my fault. I felt like I was being punished by God. Every time I thought that I was pregnant and my period came I cried, every child’s party that I was overlooked made me sad, every Mother’s Day I spent without a child I cried. Still, I hid behind a smile and no one knew how bad I was hurting inside. I felt like I was slowly dying. I felt like if I could just be a mom I would not care if I had the latest clothes, the nicest car, or any materialistic things. I could have been stripped down to nothing and I would have been overjoyed with someone simply calling me mommy. Oh how my heart yearns to hear those words. I think I cried so much and so often that my husband almost became numb to it. It almost became a part of who I was. He probably expected me to cry because I did so very often. So we knew that we would have to seek help in trying to find a solution to our problem.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to come back tomorrow to find out if there's a solution for Nina and her hubby