As I write this post it's almost hard to believe that ust yesterday I wrote about how awesome my birthday weekend was turning up in various ways with friends. Now today I'm off work again and heading to the doctor with my external heartbeat. She's not her normal jovial self but, I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with my love just yet. However, after the day she had yesterday I've truly spent my night praying it's nothing serious.
With that being said, this mom feels horrible, knowing that while her illness was developing I was out twerking at the national harbor (go ahead judge me I deserve it). I swear I have all sorts of Mother's Guilt (if that is even a thing) and have been sitting counting the things I would have don't differently had I known. Getting pissed that I didn't know sooner than her return home Sunday evening and wondering how I missed the signs. Telling myself I not that mother who leaves their sick child to be someone else's problem while, reminding myself that I AM a damn good mom. My guilt is real and this shit feels awful. With that being said please pray for me and my baby girl because we are both feeling low today :(.
Fellow heartbeats....
What's been your experience with Mother's Guilt and how did you bounce back from it? When the world beats you down you need to hear... You are a great mom. I heard those words from someone who barely knows me and it helped my heart.
Just prayed for revitalization for both of you. Just remember motherhood is a journey. A evolving journey that yields space for daily adventure, improvement, and balance. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean you neglect yourself. In order to be a good mom you have to be a healthy, vibrant, and fulfilled Sheena -- nurture the precious life God put in your hands but still have a life of your own. Love & Blessings
ReplyDeleteShay thanks much for your words of encouragement and prayers. I completely understand the need for balance and no there isn’t much I could have changed about the situation. However, I wanted to share this story so people could obtain a better perspective on the kind of mom I am :)
DeleteAs a mom, I know Mom Guilt is real. Am I a bad mom if someone offers to watch my kid and I accept? Is it bad if the baby is gone more than one weekend in a row? Is it wrong to get off work early and do something other than go straight to daycare? I know I pay daycare to watch my kid until 6:30 PM but will they think I'm a bad mom for picking her up in that last hour before closing? I'm in a store and my sweet little baby is sick and has a runny nose. Are these people thinking my baby is dirty or that I'm a bad mom? I juggle a purse and 10 grocery bags in one hand and my kid on the other hip as I sloppily head to the car with a messy bun and grimace. I can choose to take that picture and see a HOT MESS mother or I can applaud myself for doing it all!
ReplyDeleteMy kid is a reflection of me. I want her to be poised, well-mannered, intelligent, CLEAN… I want to be perfect for her. I fall short everyday and THAT is where guilt comes from. I've seen my flaws from the moment she entered the world and I've strived to be the best mom-ME I can be.
I'm sorry you're going through it but I strongly believe every mom has this moment :) Praying she gets well soon!
Right Tabby. These are the questions we battle with as mom and God forbid the outcome don't turn out as expected because the guilt marches in like band from the movie drumline lol. We all have perceived notions for something that has no guide or rule book and judge ourselves the moment we fall short.
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